I wrote this in February, after reading the account of Jesus (Mark 14 32:52) in the Garden of Gethsemane and haven’t gotten around to posting until now 🙂
Tonight I’m reading about you, specifically in the garden of Gethsemane. And I saw something that I haven’t seen before: Jesus was overwhelmed.
God, some many, many times I don’t think you get it. I think that my emotions of overwhelmedness, lostness, loneliness and fear are beneath you, too painful for your all-powerful, all good mind to understand. But reading this… it changes that. You feared what was to come. You felt overwhelmed by by the coming pain, both emotionally and physically. You felt separated- from yourself. Your closest earthly friends fell asleep and were totally oblivious to the fact that you were sweating drops of blood and were overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. In fact, after reading this with open eyes, I think you get it even more than I do.
You knew this had been coming. You had the power to refuse it, to leave, to never feel the gut-wrenching pain again. But you stayed. You stayed. You endured the sorrow to the point of death. You endured the betrayal of close friends. You endured the most horrendous form of torture known to mankind. And mostly, you endured separation from your father. For what? For me. For him. For her. For them. For the homeless drug addict who is trying to get high in order to forget his own ‘sorrow to the point of death’. For the perfect lady at church who’s faking it and isn’t sure if you’re really there. For me, a teenage girl who isn’t always listening closely enough to your voice. Forgive me for the times I don’t think you get it. The times I don’t get it. The lies I believe, that I tell myself. Teach me to give my burdens to you, and when I’m too weak to lift them your way, to be humble enough to let you take them off for me to let you get them, because You get it. And thanks for taking, for making that sacrifice…for taking all the pain to erase every stain and break every chain off our shackled brains. You get it. I love you. Thank you for loving me.